Bible Text: 1 Kings 2:8 | Preacher: Pastor Steve | Series: Marriage Matters
David’s Final Words Are Words Of Resentment!
1 Kings 2:8 Remember you have with you Shimei…who called down bitter curses on me the day I went to Mahanaim. When he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord: I will not put you to death by the sword. But now, do not consider him innocent. You are a man of wisdom; you will know what to do to him. Bring his gray head down to the grave in blood.
Resentment Destroys Relationships
1 Corinthians 13:5 Love does not keep a record of wrongs.
Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Job 5:2 To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do.
What Does It Take To Avoid Becoming Resentful In Marriage?
ADMIT OUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS AND STAY HUMBLE
Matthew 7:3-5 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
What Does It Take To Avoid Becoming Resentful In Marriage?
REMEMBER YOUR PARTNER’S STRENGTHS.
Feelings will follow actions!
FOCUS ON WAYS YOUR PARTNER HELPS YOU.
We are complimentary to each other rather than being competitive with each other!
Rebuilding Trust
Working through minor disappointments and conflicts help us to develop the skills needed to work through more serious conflicts and breakdowns of trust.
Common Ways Couples Handle Conflicts And Disagreements:
Attacking one another
Avoiding one another
Asserting and affirming one another
Handling CONFLICT according to the Book of Proverbs:
12:18 Think before speaking
13:3 Don’t say too much–sometimes better to hold back
15:1 Lower your defenses and respond with less intensity
15:18 Settle down your anger and do not be hot-tempered
17:14 Take time outs rather than “emotional flooding”
18:13 Listen before reacting and do not interrupt
20:3 Avoid minor quarrels
25:20 Practice giving compliments and encouragement
26:17 Set boundaries on what you will ignore and let go
27:6 Speak the truth but make sure it is in a loving manner
29:11 Practice emotional controls and know when you are getting close to the end of your fuse
If Reconciliation Is Possible What Is Needed Is:
Deliberation or discussion about the betrayal of trust…then
Validation of the one who felt betrayed which also includes that the one who broke trust proves that they have truly changed…and finally
Resolution of the broken trust with forgiveness and rebuilding of the trust that leads to reconciliation
There Are Stages That Occur With Broken Trust:
STAGE ONE IS SHOCK
STAGE TWO BRINGS IN THE STORM
STAGE THREE IS THE SEARCH FOR MEANING
STAGE FOUR THE MARITAL SEQUEL
Reconciliation In Relationships
Forgiveness and the Rebuilding of Trust leads to Reconciliation
These two relationship activities are related, interactive, but definitely distinct and independent.
What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is “letting go” of your anger, hurt and resentments of previous actions. It is like wiping the slate clean. It is helpful if you think of forgiveness as a process, viewing it like running a long race:
Forgiveness has a STARTING PLACE, the decision is made to forgive
Forgiveness has A MIDDLE, because it is a PROCESS
Forgiveness has AN END, there is a finishing line
Forgiveness and Reconciliation are two separate processes and acts
Forgiveness does not require reconciliation;
But reconciliation requires forgiveness